Ever have one of those days where you can't stop smiling and you are giddy for no good reason? Well I just had one, god I don't remember the last time I had one. It almost feels wrong really. Considering that just a few short days ago I said my last goodbyes to my beloved gram. She was one of the three most important women in my life and saying goodbye was extra hard on me. The day after she passed I went in to work and changed my desktop to a picture of her. There were some days when it was hard to see her but I always felt the need to have her close by. Today I kept smiling whenever I came across her picture on my computer. Hmmm, I wonder, I'm not much for religon and I'm not quite sure what I feel happens after we leave this life but I'd like to think my gram had something to do with my happy day today. My fiance kept trying to get me to focus on the fact that she was with my grandfather again, she hadn't seen him in almost 23 years since he passed. I'm thinking perhaps she stuck around here for a bit after she passed, just to say goodbye to my sister and my sister's son, her one and only great-grandson, they live in Michigan and weren't able to make it out before she passed. Maybe she finally got through the long line leading up to the pearly gates and was telling me today that she made it and she's with my grandpa and their friends. It's odd though work went great. I felt like a million bucks and now that I'm home I'm not quite sure how to feel. Perhaps it's due to the fact that about half way through work I realized I was coming down with a cold. My throat hurts, and I can tell that in a day or two my sinuses will be all stuffed up, just in time right? But oh well. I just wish I knew how to replicate this feeling. And another thing, it's been so long since I knew how I wanted to waste time. Finally today I started remembering. Usually I just play computer games or read other people's blogs. It sure doesn't feed the soul. But I've been more and more aware of what I'm doing and the mere fact that I want to get away from that. I picked up a few books this weekend that I think, I hope, will help me find the true me. I want to find a new job but I don't know what I want to do. It's slowly coming to me, bits and pieces. Not neccessarily a job description more like things I want in my job. I am a pretty goofy happy person and I need a job that lets that shine through. I also am finding that I thrive on music, I'd love a job where I can listen to music all day every day. Perhaps that is why I especially enjoyed doing truck at BABW. I got to work by myself with my music on and got to sing along a bit under my breath and just laugh at myself. i know that is so important but when you work under people that don't laugh at you it's hard to laugh at yourself. Another thing I realized is a better way to explain away some work issues I've had in the past. I normally get along great with my co-workers and enjoy the jobs I have. However, I have had two jobs where I have left because of tensions between co-workers and I. Today I realized it really just boils down to what Aretha Franklin always says R-E-S-P-E-C-T. The three people I dealt with at my last two jobs really held no respect for me and in turn it was hard to respect them and so we just couldn't get along. I feel much more comfortable now going into a job interview being able to bring up the issue of respect. The guys I work with now hold me in the highest of respect and I them as well, hmmm, all except my boss perhaps. We both know that we would jump in front of a "bus" for the other. At my past jobs I often times felt like I was being thrown under the bus, not a fun feeling let me tell you. I need to remember to ask about the work environment, how respectful the employees are of each other. I don't mind if you aren't willing to jump in front of a bus for me, as long as you don't throw me in front of it in your place.